somethin' | fishy

I am Weak, Lord

I think often times in society, there is a tendency for a need for us to hide our weaknesses and pretend to be strong. This is seen as common sense. Yet there is also the idea that “I’m human, I’m not perfect.”

If one was to just think about what these two ideas of society are trying to say, we find that they are contrary but there is some truth that they are trying to portray. Often times the hardest psychological block that we have is simply acceptance. In the Alcohol Anonymous’ Twelve Steps, the very first step is the acceptance of our powerlessness and the fact that the person is addicted to alcohol. This is why they introduce themselves by saying “Hi, my name is ____, and I’m an alcoholic.” They state this not for the other person to know that they are addicted, but rather to remind themselves to accept the current reality of the speaker. We see acceptance also in the Five Stages of Dying (Kübler-Ross model) in that the goal is ultimately to move towards acceptance.

The reason for this, I believe, is simply because not until we accept the situation, can we begin to act upon this reality. If we keep avoiding the situation, by covering up the pain, wound or hurt, we will never be able to respond rationally and with love to what is actually the reality that is in front of us. Instead we begin to cling on to an illusion.

As I continue my journey in the seminary towards being ordained as a priest, I am learning more and more of how truly weak I am. I think that is why silence and intimate prayer with God is sometimes scary. We’re afraid of the pain, darkness and weakness we will find in our heart. Yet the closer we get to God, the closer his light will begin illumine into every dark corner of our hearts. Often times, I sometimes think that perhaps I was more holy and prayed more before I joined the seminary, but in reality I’ve realized that it’s not that, it is just now that I have grown closer to the love of God, I now see more of my weakness.

I am learning more and more how to accept these weaknesses. I actually thank God now for how truly weak and pitiful I can be. It is because I have these weaknesses, that I truly need God. In my pain, I am able to kneel at the foot of the Cross and ask for healing. In my lack of faith, hope and love I am able to offer up this weak & wounded self to Christ crucified, and trust that he will raise me up.

Let us not be strong, but rather let us learn to be weak so as to never rely on our own esteem and always rely on God’s loving grace.

“A thorn in the flesh was given to me, an angel of Satan, to beat me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I begged the Lord about this, that it might leave me, but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me. Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong.” - 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

Sr. Therese Cecilia: True Faith, True Joy

I finally arrived in Nebraska where I will be spending a summer learning and growing in spirituality at Creighton University. I left directly from Sr. Huong’s (Therese Cecilia) burial at the cemetery and headed to Omaha, Nebraska. In many ways I feel as if I have not had ample time to mourn and express my sorrow over her death. Thus I have decided to put down a few words here.

I met Sr. Huong at a pivotal point in my life. I was beginning to grow deeply in my faith, and was hungry for anything that God had in store for me. It was precisely during this time that I began to feel called to a more radical kind of holiness. I did not know what that was but I knew I needed to find out.

I began to help out at various Churches: Our Lady of Lourdes, Our Lady of La Vang, and Vietnamese Martyrs. It was at Vietnamese Martyrs that I had met Sr. Huong. There are two distinct things that I feel that God has taught me through Sr. Huong.

The first is being open to the movements of the Holy Spirit. From her, I learned to begin to trust the voice of God in the Spirit, and to begin to follow it. I don’t believe that I would be who I am, or where I am (in the seminary) if it wasn’t for this great lesson. I know that at times I want to be in control of all things. And that one of the things I fear the most is not knowing what is to come or how I am to do something. Yet somehow I began to let go and let God.

I think I look around and often times I see many parishes that do things very differently and I hear criticisms all around. But what amazes me, is how regardless of imperfections (in our lives and others), the Holy Spirit is able to work through even the most wretched of situations. I’ve learned to trust that although I am weak and imperfect, if I’m open, the Holy Spirit can do marvelous things through me.

The second thing I learned, was from something that Sr. Huong said that I have never forgot. It was about the role of emotions in a retreat. Often times, success of retreats are measured by the amount of tears shed, and the amount of people that break down and cry at the retreat. This intense emotional moment of sorrow and contrition becomes the center focus. Questions arise such as, “what are some impacting and powerful activities can we do in order to affect these students emotionally?” Yet Sr. Huong, had a bigger vision of faith than that.

She said that “emotions and crying are good, but I don’t want these students to have faith that is just based on that, that’s too weak.” Over the years since then, I’ve begun to understand more and more fully what she meant. Evidence of Faith is not the emotions and tears that are shed, but rather it is the Joy that we find in God. Tears are not the evidence of a strong faith, but rather a profound and infectious Joy.

Sr. Huong,

You have taught me how to trust in God, and to find complete and utter joy in his Love. Often times I remember your zeal, and your energy. You always tried to listen to the Holy Spirit and to do all you could for those students. I believe it was your example that eased my fears when I was praying and discerning to enter into the seminary. I still smile when I remember the time when you “chunked the deuce” and said “I’m outtie” because we asked you to do so. Your joy and your dedication to God and his Church has always been inspirational. I am glad that I was able to see you one last time… You will be in my prayers as I am sure that I am in yours. You will be missed….

Dear Lord, may you guide your daughter back into your arms so that she may be with you in eternity. May you send your Holy Spirit down to comfort her family and friends so that they may find peace in this difficult time. May we learn and grow in a faith so that we may know your love and joy as she did and may we never forget the witness she gave to your glory. We ask this in name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Sr. Therese Cecilia Do Thanh Huong
4.20.1975 - 5.23.2011

Awake or Asleep?

“Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but I go to awake him out of sleep.” – Jn 11:11

It’s halfway through the season Lent, and one must stop and ask us where has the time gone to? At this point I should be halfway prepared for the passion, death, and resurrection of Christ on Easter day, yet I feel that I have fallen asleep. The oil lamps have gone out, and I’ve forgotten the reason for my Lenten promises.

Today’s Gospel not only portrays the miracle of raising someone who had died back to life, but it is also a call to our hearts. Has our hearts gone asleep, is our faith in God dying or dead? Surely not but I think in some sense it is easy for us to wander through life spiritually asleep.

We must keep vigilant, we must keep disciplined, we must continue to love, repent and sacrifice. If we are awake, we will find that life is full of God’s grace that is continually poured out for us. Do we have eyes to see? I think I find myself at times growing bitter and the best remedy is precisely the gratitude I have for all that I have been given this day. So wake up! Stay vigilant! And be thankful! =)

The Not-So-Ordinary Celebration of the Mass

I think our culture today has forgotten how to properly celebrate. This is probably one of the reasons why the Mass is seen so foreign to others now-a-days. Ritual has been lost and is now seen as an inhibition to one’s ability to freely celebrate. There use to be a time when one would go to a wedding and all the people there are dressed up and you know that this is no ordinary event, this is no ordinary day. There use to be a time when most families would gather for dinner and share over a good meal the goods and bads of the day. In a way, this would be a celebration of a good day’s work or a hard day’s work done with loved ones. Yet now this seems to be foreign to most.

I come to Mass sometimes, and it’s hard to tell if this is a celebration or a chore. Now I know that at times it takes real preparation and work to properly celebrate. Yet the way one participates in dress and manner seems to have deteriorated. There use to be a time when one would go to Church and everyone would be in their “Sunday’s Finest”. Without a single word you would be able to tell just by the dress that this is no ordinary event, and this is no ordinary day.

Often times rituals are seen as traditional and restricting. But if one has ever given fully to rituals, it is the movements that actually frees one to loose themselves in the celebration. Because we all know that one is suppose to light the candles, sing “Happy Birthday”, and then the person whose life we’re celebrating blows out the candles. This allows all those there to be free to loose oneself in the moment rather than thinking about “what should I do next to celebrate this person’s birthday properly.”

Ultimately we should strive to enter into the rituals and traditions of the Mass so intimately so that we are able to give our full self to the celebration of the Eucharistic Sacrifice.

Lead me by still waters…

I think there needs to be more praise songs that are songs to God rather than songs about God… Songs that are to God become prayers to God rather than just an expression about God or about what God did for me… not that I have anything against the latter two…

Beauty

This next two weeks are dedicated to writing my thesis… gonna be 25-30 pages… Once its done I can relax a bit for spring break… My thesis is titled: “The Beauty of Christ on the Cross” based on Hans Urs von Balthasar’s Theological Aesthetics.

Upon reflecting on beauty often times one is quick to assume that isn’t beauty just “in the eye of the beholder”? Modern society would like to argue so, but even then I found in my experience in Art school and in my painting class that one’s personal opinion does not play as important part in judging a work of art.

In fact, Balthasar says, and I agree, that Beauty exists inside of everything that has being or existence. And at the core of all existence lies Love, the need to selflessly pour out one’s entire being for something else. This is why Christ on the Cross is so beautiful, not because of some personal external taste, but because of the love in which Christ poured himself out for love of us (Phil 2:7-8).

We see a contemporary example in Mother Teresa who was so influentual but also who attracted millions to take a closer look at the poor, neglected, and dying. I am often drawn back to this image of Mother Teresa holding an armless child. This is true beauty: